Complicated People: Why They Drain Us—and What to Do About It
Let’s be real—people are complicated.
Whether it’s a coworker, a family member, or that one person who seems to challenge your patience daily, navigating complicated people can be exhausting. According to research referenced in Ryan Leak’s bestselling book How to Work with Complicated People, 1 in 2 Americans encounter difficult individuals every single day. And it’s taking a toll.
The Emotional Cost of Complicated People
Working or living with complicated people doesn’t just slow down our progress—it impacts our health. Nearly two-thirds of people report high levels of stress because of difficult relationships. The fallout? Bitterness, anxiety, loss of sleep, and even personality shifts that affect how we show up in every area of life.
So who are these complicated people?
They often:
Refuse to change, grow, or adapt
Drain energy with negativity or criticism
Avoid responsibility or demonstrate poor work ethic
Struggle with clear communication
Use manipulation to get their way
Sound familiar?
But here's a truth bomb: they’re not the only ones who are complicated.
Start with You
One of the most powerful takeaways from Ryan Leak’s work—and something I emphasize in my own coaching—is this: You’re complicated too.
It might look like:
Being loud and overwhelming in a quiet team
Disliking small talk and coming off cold
Carrying stress that spills over into conversations
Having moods that even you can’t predict
When we recognize our own complexity, we’re more equipped to handle it in others.
So What Can We Do?
We usually try one of three things:
Avoid them—pretend the issue doesn’t exist.
Change them—try to convince them to think or act like us.
Cancel them—cut ties, shut down communication, or write them off entirely.
But what if there’s a fourth option?
The Harder (But Better) Option: Understand Them
This doesn’t mean tolerating toxic behavior. But it does mean shifting our mindset:
Instead of expecting others to adjust—adjust your expectations.
Instead of taking offense—get curious.
Instead of resenting the chaos—embrace the messiness of growth.
On the other side of complicated people is a world of meaningful collaboration, deep trust, and relationships (even at work!) that bring out the best in us.
Ready to Take the Next Step?
If you're ready to stop reacting and start leading—even when others don’t—I’ve got a resources for you:
🤝 12-Week Mastermind: How to Work With Complicated People – A group coaching experience based on Ryan Leak’s book. You’ll get the tools, language, and strategies to lead yourself well through even the hardest conversations. Let us know you’re interested and we’ll get you started on your journey.
Let’s stop seeing complicated people as the problem—and start becoming the kind of leaders who know what to do next.
Jamie Farley
Leadership Coach, Saunier Leadership
We harvest leadership potential so we can season our world with strong, wise leaders.
Attribution:
This blog post is inspired by and references concepts from How to Work with Complicated People by Ryan Leak (WaterBrook, 2023). All credit for original frameworks and ideas belongs to the author. This post reflects Jamie Farley’s interpretation and coaching perspective on applying those principles in personal and professional leadership contexts.
